My girlfriend has an attitude of "we dont need to be ual to have a healthy relationship".?

What happened or did not happen with her ex is none of your business and has nothing to do with your relatinship. If she is of that mind and you don't mind then all is well but you obviously do mind so you need to do something. Talk to her and see what is going on. Let her know how you feel about the situation (but do not bring up that last relationship stuff please) Talk it out and see where everyone stands. Bottom line though if you want and she is not interested things are not gonna work out. You are not being selfish you just might be with the wrong person.